I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
