I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
