Your dad touched me again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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