moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
