You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
