well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
