I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
They took my balls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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