make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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