he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
