I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
