I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
