so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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