i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
