I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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