we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
