The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Too much gin, very little bucket
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
