OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
its liver damage thursday
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
