my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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