You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
