smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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