you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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