This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
