just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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