My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
