I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
