I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My ass is underappreciated
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
