Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He passed out mid-signature
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
