you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
