We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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