so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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