im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
