I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
