I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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