Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
