I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
