Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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