So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
