im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
