If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
