im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
