she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Randomize
