my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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