im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
