Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
