Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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