youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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