I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
