so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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