I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
