Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
