So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
